*UPDATED* Why Is Sheryl Crow Trying To Undermine My Mothering Skills?

I’m no tree hugger, but of course I think we should be sensible about being responsible with our environment.  I do my part to reduce, reuse and recycle as well as the next guy. 

But please.

Have you heard what singer Sheryl Crow is suggesting we all do to keep our earth a little healthier?  Here’s how the Washington Post quotes her:

I also like the idea of not using paper napkins, which happen to be made from virgin wood and represent the height of wastefulness. I have designed a clothing line that has what’s called a "dining sleeve." The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another "dining sleeve," after usage. The design will offer the "diner" the convenience of wiping his mouth on his sleeve rather than throwing out yet another barely used paper product. I think this idea could also translate quite well to those suffering with an annoying head cold.

A "dining sleeve".  A "DINING SLEEVE"? For ten years I have said "don’t wipe your mouth on your shirt" with such regularity I’ve thought about tattooing it on my forehead, and now this?  If the word gets out in the ten-and-under-crowd, we moms are doomed.

But wait!  There’s more!

One of my favorites is in the area of forest conservation which we heavily rely on for oxygen. I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don’t want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.

At first thought, this idea might work in my favor.  If we legislate toilet paper usage, perhaps my children would stop using wads the size of basketballs to do their "business".  But one sheet?  I’m thinking the amount of hand soap and germ killer we’d need to make this idea livable would overwhelm any environmental savings, don’t you?

Clearly, Ms. Crow should stick to Soaking Up the Sun, because with this little suggestion, she won’t be soaking up much else.

(I’m sorry, that joke was just begging to be worked in.)

*UPDATESheryl is now saying this was all a joke, and that just "glad people are talking about global warming."  Um, Sheryl?  That’s not what they’re talking about…

Thanks to Carrie for the link.

72 thoughts on “*UPDATED* Why Is Sheryl Crow Trying To Undermine My Mothering Skills?

  1. Carrie says:

    I suppose that Sheryl’s mother never taught her about cloth napkins and handkerchiefs.
    Heather’s right – we now know Sheryl’s a bidet kinda gal. I wonder if she has one installed in her tour bus. If not, I wonder if she has a single-paper dispenser installed. Hrmm… doubt it.

  2. Alexis says:

    I just had to laugh when I read this. If I restricted my toddler to one sheet does Sheryl know how many chemicals I would have to use to clean up the after effects??

  3. Susan G. says:

    I think she should try out the toilet paper thing on her next tour.
    She could have all the toilet paper removed from the bathrooms at the venue and then hire people to hand out the one square per person. I am sure her fans would be thrilled!

  4. deborah says:

    I like Susan’s idea! Give me a little break, Dining Sleeve??? Hey, we didn’t call my girl “green sleeves” for nothing! I know, eewww, but, hey, she now uses waaay too many kleenex, sorry planet earth AND Ms. Crow!!! I will have her plant a tree.
    As far as 1 square per wipe; ain’t happening here. The day someone tells me how much to use – BITE ME!!!! I have enough issues with Purell and OCD to wipe out my kid’s ideas of normalcy. This doesn’t help matters. I’ve just started to shake hands again; I guess that’s over.

  5. Barb says:

    Yikes! The thought of one square…ewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!! And don’t even get me started on the dining sleeve. I think she lost some brain cells from soaking up the sun!

  6. Milehimama says:

    This from a homewrecker who takes THREE tractor trailers on tour and requires disposable bowls and plastic spoons at venues (check out her contract rider on The Smoking Gun website)?
    I’m not sure anyone in my family has ever had a pesky occasion where only TWO squares were required. (Actually, I usually have more problems getting my little conservationists to wipe in the first place…love potty training boys. Love it. To. Death.)
    Mama Says

  7. Antique Mommy says:

    Whose going to police the one-square law? Hmmm? I recycle everything recyclable imaginable every week. I am entitled to two squares and a paper napkin at dinner.

  8. Jennifer says:

    Those comments are for REAL??? Oh her poor mother — she must be so embarrassed.
    I saw someone was going run warm water over their cold hands, to warm them. Well — I’m pretty sure that would be wasteful, when all they have to do is stick their hands in their warm GREEN armpits!!
    Oh well — let them hug a tree… as long as it’s not mine.
    AND… I know I’m not shaking hands with anyone on that bus… that’s for SURE!

  9. Jeana says:

    And now we see why it didn’t work out with Lance. Because after hours on that bicycle seat he must have had some chafing going on.

  10. Angie @ Many Little Blessings says:

    What in the world??? LOL Here I thought when she was going to say no paper napkins that she was just going to suggest cloth napkins. No, instead she is giving some nonsense answer in the hopes, apparently, of selling something.
    Oh — and the one square of toliet paper…what the heck?!?

  11. Viscountess says:

    Hear Hear! I asked the same question: “How does tripling the use of hand soap and laundry soap help the environment?”
    Cheryl also hasn’t heard that it’s actually green algae that gives us most of our oxygen. If we really want cleaner air, everyone who owns pools would let them algae over. And that’s not a joke, that’s science.

  12. Susanne says:

    What I think is hilarious is the thought of Sheryl Crow ever using a “dining sleeve” herself! Can you imagine a celebrity doing such a thing?? What she REALLY wants is for all of us nobodies to do these conservation things so that she and the other celebrities can bask in their wealth and use lots of sheets of tp!

  13. lisa h. says:

    I love when celebrities start taking on politics and giving us their two cents! Why is it always about the environment with them? At least Angelina is trying to help children. Why don’t they lobby congress to fight child molestors? That would actually be worthwhile!
    Ummm the toilet paper thing could never happen, thanks to Seinfeld I think we’ll always be covered! “Not a square to spare!”

  14. Lisa Knight says:

    I just watched that Planet Earth on the Seasonal Forrests & it said that the coniferous forrest in the artic north replenished the Earth’s air, so if we cut every tree down on the REST of the Planet we’d still be OK, right? SoI am going to stick with my paper products & plant another tree in my yard!!!
    Now way am I letting my kids wipe their faces on a sleeve, I don’t care if that’s what it’s designed for, still gross & I have to wash it, using detergent & water & electricity…hmmmm.

  15. Kara says:

    That is just nuts! 1 square?! That’s just stupid! And how would they regulate that lol? And seriously, the sleeve thing? Hasn’t she heard of cloth napkins? Maybe she was drunk or something wen she suggested all this? lol

  16. Nancy says:

    I read this article the other day. I had the exact reaction as you! Ludicrisy!
    Who wants to walk around with food on their arms. Are you supposed to use it and then detach and put in your purse to take home? Then why not just throw a cloth napkin in your purse and pull it out when needed?
    As for the toilet paper issue, I sat in the bathroom pondering that yesterday. I tore off two squares and looked at them. There’s just no way. I shook my head and unrolled a few more.
    I think Alexis is right about testing her idea on tour. Brilliant!

  17. Stacie says:

    HORRORS!! Both of her ideas- yuck!
    I tried your cloth napkin idea Shannon, and have been loving it! (The gingham squares) I think I’m doing my part to save paper napkins that way. Maybe Sheryl could use your idea…

  18. Stacie says:

    HORRORS!! Both of her ideas- yuck!
    I tried your cloth napkin idea Shannon, and have been loving it! (The gingham squares) I think I’m doing my part to save paper napkins that way. Maybe Sheryl could use your idea…

  19. Shelia says:

    Believe me when I say, I am sure Sheryl’s mom did a much better job raising her than it seems from this article. (And it shouldn’t be a reflection of anyone who grew up in or around Kennett, Mo. We aren’t all that way! And as for bidets… I don’t think the whole of Kennett has one, so that is a new-fangled, citified, uppity thing!)
    Right now I am more than a little embarrassed to admit we even come from the same home town!

  20. hogphan says:

    I’ve sometimes wondered if the Screen Actor’s Guild has an employee that sits in a room off from everyone else and comes up with incredibly assinine ideas and then doles them out to members to use when they’re communicating with us common folk!

  21. Shauna says:

    When I first heard this yesterday, I wondered if someone mistook an Onion story for real news. I wonder how much paper was wasted printing her ridiculous ideas. Celebrities have as much a right to speak their opinions as the rest of us, but that doesn’t mean they should be given a public platform for blathering about whatever comes into their heads.

  22. Babystepper says:

    I’m a big fan of the Kleenex Viva paper towels. I can see that as a viable alternative.
    Celebrities and politics. Pathetic. They forget that they don’t get paid the big bucks because people care what they think or have any kind of respect for their scientific/political ideas. I can just see her publicity manager hitting himself in the head. On the other hand, she is getting her name in a lot of strange venues. ie, Mommy blogs. =)

  23. Military Mommy says:

    She does not have children. Just wait until she has a baby with projectile vomit coming out of one end and the water poo coming out of the other. Maybe she’ll change her mind then.
    Or maybe she’ll just hand the baby to the nanny.
    🙂 Michelle

  24. proverbs31 says:

    oh. my. word. I just don’t know what to say to that, except that my children are NOT using their sleeve, and I already limit tp usage enough, thank you, I don’t think we need to cut back that much!

  25. Brandi says:

    I am beginning to wonder if once you reach a certain status level in entertainment there is a contract that requires you to have a lobotomy!

  26. Stephanie says:

    Ok…i spewed my coffee…barely missing my computer…Hilarious!! Good Grief! You know, in Europe public restrooms charge per square. Needless to say, I spent quite a Euro Soaking up Something when I traveled a few years ago.

  27. Lisa (qtpies7) says:

    Thats hysterical! My husband made a “1 square” comment last night and I did not know what he was talking about! But the sleeve thing is really funny, too!
    Use cloth napkins, and cloth TP if you really need to save the environment. The water gets recycled, right? lol
    I use cloth diapers, I’m not going to stop using TP. After 7 kids I have enough issues with urine and p00p, hehe.

  28. Chappyswife says:

    I did hear about this also, and simply could not believe it. I was left shaking my head and my mouth was hanging open. I did decide one thing, though. IF I ever meet Sheryl Crow, I WILL NOT BE SHAKING HER HAND. No thanks.

  29. Amelia says:

    This is so laughable!! I wonder if she’s ever heard of a cloth napkin. We too do our best to be responsible stewards of the environment, limiting, even eliminating our use of paper towels and napkins, but I don’t think I could ever limit the use of toilet paper. Ugh!

  30. Shalee says:

    All I can say is that she obviously has NO CHILDREN or else she would have kept her trap shut. Anyone with children will realize that not only do the napkins get used, you often require more than one per child… and sometimes adult.
    And the one sheet of TP is just too stupid to comment on… except that she must have a beday in her 10,000 sq. feet apartment that uses way more energy, resources and cleaners than one person should be allowed to have – not to mention all the exhaust her touring via bus or plane adds to the environment. My family pack per month TP doesn’t even touch her wastefulness.

  31. Kathryn says:

    Awesome post. I heard a bit of this yesterday, but I just rolled my eyes. right on to the Bounty TP comment!! awe-some.

  32. Jessica Snell says:

    To echo a previous commentator: if she’s really that worried about it, there’s no need to invent anything new: cloth napkins and bidets, Ms. Crow. They already exist. 😀
    peace of Christ to you,

  33. Mary C says:

    I kept thinking as I read this, “This MUST be a joke.” Sadly, it appears not to be. I think maybe she needs to stick to singing.

  34. Angela says:

    Geez. This woman obviously has never parented young boys. If she had, she would know that, whether they use 3 squares or 300 squares, they still seem to end up with skid marks.
    I’d say that a bidet is the answer, but don’t those waste precious water? Maybe my boys are on to something…just let the underpants do the wiping.

  35. Kathy/ Lessons from the Laundry says:

    Does she have children?? I’m pretty sure she doesn’t so this helps explain her ignorance. I use cloth napkins and still can’t get my kids to wipe their mouths.
    I’m surprised we haven’t heard the plumbers union response on the TP issue. They would never have any clogs if we all followed her plan.
    Thanks for the funny post!

  36. TM says:

    LOL, Angela! I’m pretty sure that’s a universal boy theory. Not only do the cotton unders save time, they’re softer than any paper on the market!

  37. Diatribal says:

    Thanks for posting the update.
    As crazy as the initial suggestion was, she is correct about how much of an impact paper wares make on our environment. Paper napkins and paper towels are a big problem due to their convenience factor. Most of us overuse paper goods because they are “just right there.” Yes, I LOVE that they are convenient, but I will gladly use my cotton towels. I have enough to constitute a whole load in my washer, and I don’t wash them until I have a whole load’s worth. Plus, I always feel that I am doing a better job of cleaning when my towel does not disintegrate right in my hand.
    Thanks again for posting the update. I know that some of us don’t agree with her “morals” but she is right on this.

  38. Merci says:

    Wow. First, the toilet paper thing was a joke. I didn’t hear about the dining sleeve and granted, I don’t agree with most of the “global warming” advocates or their “save the earth” proposals or mentalities, but reading the comments, it just seems that some are a wee bit harsh and others downright hateful to me. Bad day maybe?

  39. GiBee says:

    My take on it is … it did NOT start off as a joke. you know — what comes from the mouth comes from the heart, and all … But, because of all the negative hype she’s getting, it’s easier to “dismiss” it as a joke.
    And further more … I can’t stand how cozy she was getting with Laurie David, AKA “Ms. David” during any and all of their news interviews — are they trying to send a message to us? Because I don’t want to hear it…

  40. MamaToo says:

    this is the funniest (saddest?) environmental advice I’ve seen. Thank you for putting a little reality into it and giving me humongo chuckles as I read it!

  41. mcewen says:

    Aha! She must be related to my Dad. When I was little [my Dad came home after months away at sea -Navy] and was shocked the amount of toilet paper we ‘women’ used, so he instigated a new policy, one square for most occasions, two squares for other occasions.
    My Mum was not impressed – she hid the roll, made sure we knew it was tucked behind the cistern, and left him to hunt for it for a few months. He was soon cured.

  42. Lizzie says:

    They seriously need to have a real purpose in their lives!
    TOILET PAPER! I think there are issues far more important than that.
    Adultery is one I can think of…

  43. Melonie (Momma n More) says:

    The cloth napkin concept must be foreign, folks. 😉
    As for the tp example – is she volunteering to enforce that legislation should it be made into law? If so, I’ve got a husband who is a bigggg Famous Dave’s eater that I’d love to make her monitor. If she can stomach being in there to count squares, she can then try to convince Mr. Epitome of a Taurus that he should only use one or two squares.
    Or maybe he could use her dining sleeve? *chuckle* Oh I guess that’s horrid. But still. heehee

  44. Sally says:

    I recycle as much as I can, but I am NO Sheryl Crow fan…..it is so obvious that she has no children……..and no clue…..

  45. Jen says:

    I can’t not comment about this!
    In college, my roommate put a sign up on the bulletin board (she was mad about buying TP again.)
    “Please write how many sqaures of TP you use per trip, and how often you go per day so we can rearrange the TP buying schedule.”
    My fiance wrote on her sign in the space provided: I use 37 squares per visit, and make 87 trips per day.
    and in different handwriting:
    I only use one square…but I use both sides and my hand as needed.

  46. Florinn says:

    Do you guys seriously use paper napkins on your kids? I mean, at our house a paper napkin doesn’t come close to cuttting it. It sticks to the goo on the kids face and then its double mess…I’m all about Wet Ones! I wonder what that does to the environment.

  47. Sue says:

    I did not read every post so maybe someone already said this BUT how about a WIPING SLEEVE?? That’d really save paper! And could create such a fashion statement! YUM:)

  48. Lisa Knight says:

    ok, pardon the semi-political jab…
    I thought that Al Gore invented the internet so we could talk about global warming???
    Ok, end of semi-political jab.
    It was a joke eh? Like um okay, let’s talk about global warming, cuz Sheryl Crow said we had to…when is it EVER gonna get here. It is only 53 outside right now & I am tired of freezing my behind off!!!

  49. Michelle says:

    ONE square of toilet paper? Does this chick acctually go to the bathroom? How can she suggest one square and expect us to stay clean and healthy?? If she’s soooo worried about the trees why doesn’t she suggest the bidet or the Islamic brig wudu jug? One square is just DISGUSTING.
    But what’s worse is that she wants us to wipe our mouths on our sleeves and she wants the Government to regulate how we clean our bottoms.
    Pop and movie stars should take a vow of off-screen silence!

  50. Angel Elf says:

    Just think of it, one sleeve has gravy or tomato sauce stains and the other snot. I picture a formal dinner at a fine restaurant where everyone has on their finest attire. In between bites people drag the sleeve across their mouths. Hey I just had an idea. What about an ass sleeve? No one square limit for toilet paper just wipe your ass with your sleeve.

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