The De-Tox Made Me Do It

Remember a few years ago, when the El Nino weather system came through, and authorities blamed it for everything from hurricanes to coffee prices to Oscar nominations? 

A similar phenomenon occurs when one is wickedly cruel motivated enough to decide that a low-carb lifestyle is the right choice for her family.  They warn you about the fatigue and the moodiness that occurs as you go through the first couple of weeks of "carb de-tox".  They do not warn you that you feel so lousy you develop a persecution complex that makes you blame everything–even irrational things–on the lack of energy-giving carbs coursing through your system. 

"Oh, Honey, I’m so sorry that I just bit your head off (and chewed it up and spit it back out).  This lack of carbs has me a little irritable…"

"My throat really hurts.  Must be the de-tox."

"Hmmm, I thought that skirt was on sale.  I bet when I re-introduce whole grains to my diet the price will come back down."

"Iran is developing a nuclear weapon?  Probably wouldn’t be happening if I could eat rice."

I am hoping that this ridiculous wave of self-pity accounts for the massive case of blog-fatigue that I’ve suffered lately.  Frankly, I feel about posting the same way I feel about eating a plate of eggs: IF I EVER HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN I WILL PUT MY HEAD THROUGH A WALL.  Maybe it’s carb-related, maybe it’s just good old-fashioned burnout; either way, something’s gotta give

I’m going to take a few days off and try to gather my thoughts.  Or un-gather them, as the case may be.   

Y’all be good.  I’ll be back before you can say "glycemic index". 

31 thoughts on “The De-Tox Made Me Do It

  1. dcrmom says:

    Enjoy your break. I’ve been feeling the same way lately. Without my American Idol fodder, I’d really be up a creek. I’ll eat a couple of bagels for you, how’s that? πŸ˜‰

  2. Kendra says:

    You are a brave woman! I know I would never be able to live a low-carb lifestyle. I eat bread, pasta, rice, cookies, and baked chips for every meal of the day. Okay, now I’m just being cruel! You are doing great. Keep it up and you will feel better soon (and look great).

  3. Gina says:

    I did Carb Addicts diet for about four months. I still have a hard time eating eggs.
    Have you looked at the Weight Watchers Core plan? You can have certain carbs once a day (whole wheat pasta, potato, brown rice). Anything more than that comes out of the weekly points allowance. I lost 35 lbs doing Core and have maintained it for two years.

  4. boomama says:

    Uh-huh.
    I’d say more, but the lack of carbs has left me completely incapable of putting thoughts together in a coherent matter.

  5. Gretchen Hanna says:

    Enjoy your rest. Looking forward to hearing from you when you’re refreshed and rarin’ to go. Nothing wrong with a break. Be kind to yourself! I so identify w/ the carb thang…

  6. Fiddledeedee (It Coulda' Been Worse) says:

    Um, remember how I told you that I was simply going to go back to Phase 2 to get back on track, and see if I could get rid of the cravings that way? Because surely, I could find an ounce of willpower?
    I’ll be joining you on Phase 1 starting Sunday. I only say Sunday because I have to go to the store to buy eggs.

  7. Roy says:

    Maybe its a gender thing….
    A friend recently passed to me a saved stack of Popular Science magazines. One 2002 article described a gal scientist, cognitive neuroscience at Northwestern U’s School of Medicine, to be exact, with a very interesting research project. How do people decide when they’ve had too much of a good thing? So she gave folks an MRI exam while also giving them chocolates. After each piece she asked 2 questions: “Do you want another piece?” and “On a scale of minus 10 to plus 10, how much did you like the last piece?”
    As expected, euphoria slid into satiation. The MRI recorded an accompanying change in brain activity.
    But there were unexpected (to some, anyway) results.
    Women ate twice as much chocolate as men before getting their fill. While men stopped eating because they began to find more chocolate less appealing, women stopped only when their bellies were stuffed.
    Fair disclosure requires that I note a caveat: The change in brain activity was universal enough that I think this a valid conclusion from even the limited number of subjects. But that number, only 9, makes the gender thing a bit suspicious. Not to mention that I think I’d have been on the stuffing end of the spectrum….

  8. maria says:

    Just don’t be upset if you gain a little weight when you introduce whole grain. But you should really try to not go completely carb free for too long. This I learned the hard way. For some people it’s no problem, for people like me, the mere smell of macaroni and cheese now makes me bloat like Veruca Salt, minus the blue.
    Enjoy your break.., and I LOVED your 6 y/o post, NOTHING beats a little boy.

  9. mcewen says:

    It’s not that I’m unsympathetic, I am, very. I have been on an exclusively liquid diet for nearly 3 months now – it plays havoc with the psyche – or at least that’s my excuse for being weary and snappy. [snippy?]
    Cheers

  10. Mandy says:

    Selfishly, I’m bummed you’ll be gone because you are my daily guarantee of a good long laugh. (Yes, I know, you’re wondering who on earth I am — I have been a lurker yea these past few weeks. I hang my head in shame.)
    Setting my own feelings aside, however, I am rooting for you. I tried carb detox once and only made it about three days, at which point my husband pretty much shoved a biscuit in my face and begged me to eat it. (“I love you at precisely the size you already are!”)

  11. Addie says:

    Go Shannon! You’re a much stronger woman than I am! I hoping for a few good low carb works for me wednesdays out of this. I stink, STINK at low carb. I get the shakes and start begging for “just a handful of animal crackers” at the end of day one. πŸ˜€

  12. mopsy says:

    Dang, Shannon! It sounds like misery.
    That’s why WW rocks. You can eat carbs and still lose weight. I lost over 50 pounds. It’s all about portion control.

  13. Ashleigh says:

    If I were to count the number of times we’ve low-carbed it in our three years of marriage, I’d have to start using my toes to count. I knew it was bad when I had a friend over for lunch after not seeing her for a year and explained that the reason we were eating the salad I served, and the reason the toppings were separated so each of us had the option of foregoing them, was that we had just begun and were in Phase One of our low-carb diet. “Oh, that’s okay. You were doing this when I was over last summer for lunch.” Ha. Yeah. I wonder how many “tries” ago that was?

  14. Military Mommy says:

    I wish this would be the headline today:
    Scientists prove that all white bread products increase brain stimulation and prolong life for at least 10 years.
    That would be the day I would run naked around the neighborhood with bagels glued in all the appropriate places. πŸ™‚
    The good news is that after you can re-introduce dairy, you have GOT to try jello sugar free cheesecake pudding. It’s the best sugar free dessert I’ve had and I only have like 30 different combinations that I create out of it. πŸ™‚
    Sending you some restful hugs,
    Michelle

  15. Lisa says:

    I’ve attempted low-carb before. I stopped before I started hurting other people or barfing when I saw eggs. However due to having a child now diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes I am taking a good look at low carb again. The cookbook I purchased is Six Ingredients Or Less: Low-Carb Cooking. I’m not sure how good an muffin made with almond flour taste, but I’ll find out as soon as I can actually FIND the almond flour LOL
    As for my diet, I’m thinking about the 80/10/10, because bad health runs rampant in my family tree. Here’s a really cool blog about the 80/10/10 – http://sarah811.blogspot.com/ – she has some amazing before and after pics that she took down. But I bet she’d share them if you asked.

  16. Randall says:

    Two words. Weight. Watchers.
    The one and only eating plan that helped me lose weight (down 10 pounds so far!).

  17. Stacey says:

    Well, you should have known when you messed with the word “carb” that you become a crab!!
    Couldn’t help myself… take some time and relax Shannon!!

  18. themomhalf says:

    I’m actually allergic to potatoes so, it was not pretty when I had to give up french fries.

  19. Amanda says:

    Wow, you’ve been busy!!
    I’ve started to do friendship friday with the mister linky… i dunno if you’re interested but it sure sounds like you would have a lot of great things to offer even if it’s just about friendships your kids have made… enlighten us!

  20. Southern Girl says:

    I know for a fact I couldn’t do what you’re doing. I’ve cut way back on my sugars and potato-y carbs, but in my experience, cutting them out all together only leads to falling off the wagon earlier. That’s why I love Weight Watchers and had so much success at it — it denies you nothing, but teaches you to make smart choices while acknowledging that a treat now and then isn’t the end of the world. And if you don’t have time to go to meetings or, like me, just don’t want to — the online version is great.

  21. Deena says:

    Too much of a good thing is still too much sometimes, isn’t it??
    I’ll miss you, but I totally get it. And be careful with the low carb thing…I did it for 6 months and it triggered a flare up of chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia that had been dormant for years…dr thinks that’s what did it…I really don’t know…but I got SO tired of bacon LOL!!

  22. PeanutButtersMum says:

    I completely understand where you’re coming from… I’ve been there this week, too. Only thing is, I’m not carb-deprived. I’m suffering from an overdose of bitchiness…

  23. Carrie says:

    I don’t think it’s the carbs. I think it’s knowing that there’s only 4 more episodes of LOST left, and then we get an excrutiating 8-month break. How could they be so cruel??
    Seriously though, I think a fellow commenter’s suggestion about re-posting things from the archives is a fantastic one. You could even queue them all up at once and timestamp them to autopost one per day until you feel like coming back. Big radio hosts play “Best Of” shows whenever they go on vacation, you can too!
    Hope this sorts out for ya hon. Hang in there.

  24. Irene says:

    Dieting does that. Yes, it’s all the diet’s fault. However, I think that unless you have developped an allergy to wheat products, you could introduce a whole wheat item such as a slice of bread, or mixed nuts and oatmeal, just to keep your sanity!

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