Motherhood has taught me many things, chief among them that you can’t take anything for granted.
And you probably think I mean that in the really sweet Hallmarkian way of "oh-you-divine-child-I-will-never-take-you-for-granted."
Yeah. Sweet thought. Not what I’m talking about, though.
What I mean is the baffling phenomenon of raising children in which you hear yourself, the parent, having to expound on the most common-sense notions, because if you did not, your oh-so-divine child would flub the whole thing.
For example, just the other day I heard myself say the following sentence:
"Joseph, go take a shower AND USE SHAMPOO."
One would think that using shampoo should be implied in taking a shower, wouldn’t one? But then, one hasn’t met my boys.
Here are a few other this-should-be-obvious sentences I find myself saying:
"Boys, go brush your teeth AND USE TOOTHPASTE."
"Adam, go wake up your sister, BUT SWEETLY, PLEASE–DO NOT JUMP ON HER BED AND YELL IN HER EAR."
"Please eat your dinner, AND CHEW THE BITES AND SWALLOW THEM AND DO NOT SPIT THEM BACK ON YOUR PLATE."
"Please go hang that shirt back up AND ACTUALLY GET THE SHIRT ON THE HANGER AND THE HANGER ON THE SILVER BAR IN YOUR CLOSET.
See? I can’t take any of it for granted. Much of the time I think my children are brilliant little creatures with an infinite amount of promise, but there are moments when I wonder if the follow-through mechanism in their brains is hopelessly stuck. Please tell me this isn’t a phenomenon unique to my children. What ridiculously obvious things do you find yourself saying?