What I’d Like For You To Know: Living With a Chronic Illness

WhatidlikeIt’s time for another edition of the What I’d Like For You To Know series, in which I’ve invited some women to share some common struggles, misconceptions and victories about their particular life circumstances (for the complete series, click here.)  Today’s guest poster is Kelli, from Living In Grace.  Kelli is the mom of two teenagers, and she’s been married to John for 18 years.  She is living with Stage 5 chronic kidney failure. She is on full time dialysis at home, through a peritoneal catheter.   Kelli has graciously agreed to tell us about life with a serious chronic illness.

On my way out to a doctor’s appointment, I stopped to check email one last time. There was an email from Shannon, asking me if I’d be interested in writing on chronic illness for her “What I’d Like You To Know” series.

Whoa. Heart skips a beat.

See, I’ve written about some of the aspects of living with kidney failure over the past two years I’ve been blogging but in my heart I knew I’d have to go deeper. Further into myself than I’ve been willing to go.

And not because Shannon required it of me. But, because God required it of me. To go to that place I’ve been so unwilling to go with anyone.

I had a decision to make. So I took the afternoon to think, and as things played out, I knew God had a plan. I found out that things are worse than we originally thought, and that I need to have surgery again within the first couple weeks after we move the 27th of this month. (Anyone in the Bend, OR area? Feel free to come on by and grab a box!)

So, here I am. Laying it out there for the first time. Putting to paper those things that have been buried so deep inside me.

Some background …. I was raised with chronic kidney disease. Undiagnosed with renal reflux in the 7th grade, surgery proved too late to save my left kidney. Years later, after a marriage and 5 miscarriages, I had it removed. Two healthy pregnancies followed, and for the next 15 years I was kidney problem free.

In 2006, I visited the doctor for a routine checkup. And found out my right kidney was failing. After consultation with a specialist, I was put on home peritoneal dialysis in May 2006.

Living with chronic illness is hard. There is not one aspect of your life that remains untouched in some way.  There is no more “routine”, “normal”. Everything has a thought, a reason, a purpose.

Everyday Life

As this thing has progressed, I’m losing some things I’ve taken for granted. Walking and balance being the two most annoying.

Everyday things, like standing, walking, putting on a pair of pants, taking a shower has become an orchestration of thought and resolve with sometimes comedic outcomes. I have to sit to get dressed – trying to stand on one leg and put it in a pant leg usually ends with me on the floor. I have to lean against the wall in the shower while shampooing my hair. I have one hand in the wall at all times, security and balance in just a touch. My daughter goes with me almost everywhere now, carrying wallets, keys etc.

I can still drive, as it requires a different motion than standing or walking. I park in handicap spots, and have been told I don’t “look” handicapped. What does that mean? They say “You’re too young to be parking there.” Ok, so lad things only happen to old people? Uh, no.

It’s amazing, when you lose the ability to walk alone for long distances, how long those hallways at the hospital become. Or the distance between the parking spot and the door.  Every step is carefully thought out. Feared. Is this the time I put my foot down and my leg gives out? Will I end up at the door, or on my face in the asphalt?

I will say that we have one blessing, though. My husband is able to work FT from home. So there is that help. We hope to be in a position to get him a laptop in the next year or so he can work at my appointments, as my ability to drive may come into question.

My biggest fear currently?

The numbness that started in my feet and taken so much away has started in my hands. My fingertips are numb. Will I lose the ability to type, hold a pen, feed myself, dress myself?

I have started physical therapy and they have prescribed a walker. A walker. I’m 43 years old. I know it’s the right thing, but my head won’t wrap itself around that. It’s giving up. It means-

I can’t.

Not without help.

No longer on my own.

Family Effects

No child should have to watch their parent go through something like this. In the last 3 years we’ve lost both grandpas and I was diagnosed with kidney failure. How much should they be forced to bear? Now. They are going to a new high school. In a new town.

They do their best to help me, as does their dad. Sometimes too overly protective or helpful, but it’s their way of coping.

From my standpoint, I’m learning to ask for help. There are things I can’t do, and asking someone else to do it is hard for me. I feel like a mooch. I want them to look at me and say “Oh go do it yourself” or something. 

Going out on my own doesn’t bother me. Well, it doesn’t bother me the way people stare when they see me walk, or stumble.

However, I’ve become more reticent about going out with my family, because I feel like I’m embarrassing them. Who wants to be the one with the weird mom? It’s something I’m dealing with. Daily.

Financial Impacts

The most common thing families going through a medical crisis share, but are loathe to talk about, is the financial impact it can have.

Praise God for insurance. Without it, I don’t know what we would do. Well, I’d not be able to apply transplant, for more thing. They like you to be able to show the ability to, you know, pay.

Even with insurance though, come those day to day impacts. I had to leave my job in November 2006, so we took a hit there. There are medication costs, deductibles, emergency room visits, and the big one …. The cost of travel to multiple appointments a month. Especially with gas prices where they are? Geesh. So I try to schedule as many on the same day if possible.

Everyone seems to be anxious to spend your money. At the physical therapy appointment yesterday, they prescribed  a walker. And our insurance will cover $150 or the $350 cost. The kicker? We pay the $350 up front, and they will reimburse us. In about 2 months. If they approve it.

Hello?  If I had $350 laying around, a walker is not the first place I can think to spend it. Get in line. Other priorities are ahead of you. Like the grocery store, or the power company.  Shoot, simple things like school clothes for the kids. Unfortunately, unlike homeschool they can’t do it in their pajamas. (What’s with that anyway?)

To sum it up? A friend of mine, also dealing with a life-altering issue, once said “ Home ownership? Eating out? Extras? Ha! Those are for people not dealing with things types of things …”.

Amen, sister. Amen.

What Would I Say IF I Had To

When I started thinking about what I would write for this, I started a journal. Putting down feelings and thoughts as they came to me, as situations occurred seemed to help me capture the day to day emotion of living with a chronic, life-threatening issue.

To avoid giving you a 42 page novella, here is a simple list of things from my heart.  The hard things. The ones I’ve never wanted to say out loud.

• I’m still capable of doing things

o I may try to do things that I fail at, or mess up really, really bad.
o I need to try sometimes. Most of the time.
o Please don’t get frustrated with me for not asking for help. Please ….
o Please don’t get frustrated when I do ask for help. It makes me less likely to ask for help the next time.

• If you want to know something about my illness, please ask.

o I don’t want to talk about it all the time.
o It’s a part of me, like putting pants on one leg a t a time
o I won’t be offended by you asking
o If I’m not at a point where I’m comfortable talking about a particular thing, I will gently let you know.
o There are no bad questions.

• Chronic illness has no “set” answers.

o Everyone will be different.
o Treatments will vary.
o Response to treatment will vary.
o If you know someone walking the same path and want to share something about it, please do. But please don’t be offended if I don’t put it into practice, or share how it was tried and failed for me.
o Treatment of some chronic illness requires changes each month or so. Please don’t assume we are not “letting things run their course”.
o When you are in a fight for your life, you may appear to grasp at straws, but that one straw may be the answer.

• I’m exhausted.

o I have a hard time saying no. Help me by asking if I can do something, but understand if it’s a “bad day”. I never know until the moment.
o I am lousy at asking for help. I will try to do everything myself. It’s my way of coping.
o If you want to help, being specific sometimes helps. “Can I bring you some leftovers, or help you fold laundry” is more helpful than “What can I do to help”. Sometimes, I just am too tired to see the forest for the trees.

• I’m emotional.

o This is draining. In every way. Please don’t walk away from me if I don’t respond right away or seem snappy.
o Understand that sometimes I just need space to not deal with things. I want to feel normal for a minute.
o I welcome comfort and assurance, but not being smothered in it. It makes me feel weak. I can’t afford that. I must stay strong.

• I’m human.

o I will make bad decisions about everything at times, including my treatment plan.
o I feel.
o There will be things I keep private. I’m not hiding anything from you. I need to process things before I can share them. Some things, I may never share. They’re too personal.
o Humor and sarcasm are my way of coping. It’s not that I don’t take things seriously, I do. But, I need to deal as I need to deal.
o Breath by breath, laugh by laugh  – it works for me.

• I’m afraid …

o … of dying. Not because my eternal life is not secure, but because I just won’t be anymore. Be here. Be with my family. It’s hard to explain rationally, but it’s a fear. It keeps me awake at night.
o … of not being here to help Kati pick out her wedding dress or hold her children as they are born. To celebrate her successes, and help her through the failures and heartaches.
o … of not being there to meet that one girl who will send Jonathan’s heart soaring. Complete him as he never knew possible on this earth. Hold his children.
o … of not growing old with John. Enjoying retirement together. Seeing his eyes sparkle. Hearing him laugh. Feeling his touch.

Through all of this, though, I do know one thing.

The one thing that keeps my head above water. That pulls me up when I start to sink to the bottom.

I have hope. Hope in Christ Jesus.

Someday, I will be healed. I will be whole.

Whether it’s through transplant here on earth or in death and I’m taken to glory –

I Will Be Whole Again.

Of that, I am completely, unabashedly, guaranteed of.

And that, dear readers, is worth every appointment, every pain, every struggle.

Every, everything.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. – John 14:27

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To learn more about become a living organ donor, or Kelli’s battle with kidney failure, visit her at Living in Grace.

73 thoughts on “What I’d Like For You To Know: Living With a Chronic Illness

  1. Aunt LoLo says:

    Oh goodness…that was a hard one for me to get through. My grandmother was diagnosed with “Lou Gehrig’s Disease” in her early 70’s. When she ought to still be my bossy, helpful, bran-muffin-eating grandmother…she sits in a chair. Every day. All day. Her muscles slowly hardening, the wave moving ever closer to her lungs and that one last breath. She writes questions on a white board, since she can no longer talk. Her husband is finally convinced that this battle wasn’t one she just “gave up.” She can’t just “buck up and try harder.” She did – for a long time. Now, when you ask her how she feels, she things for a minute and then writes “serene” on her little board. Then she tells us, one more time, what we are singing at the funeral, or she makes a request for one thing we could do for her – make a CD of music, have the kids come visit, etc. I wanted her to see my babies grow up, and tell me how to do it “right” and send me more recipes for that awful health-food they publish in “old lady magazines”…and then wait for her to ask me, over and over again, if I’ve made it for my family yet.
    I’m not trying to complain, or to diminish your struggle. I just want you to know…I’m trying to understand, and it’s hard for the ones “left behind”, too. We’re scared to lose you, and all your wisdom, advice and experience.
    God bless you in your struggle. May God grant you peace, serenity and strength. I know you’ve never met me, but it’s five in the morning and I’m listening to my baby wake up for the third time tonight and I’m crying and…I just pray that you may get what you need to get on with what you need to do…whatever that is.

  2. Becky says:

    I appreciate you being so open with us. I have kidney disease myself (Polycystic Kidney Disease) but am not in failure – just beginning to experience things like swollen feet. Thanks for sharing! I understand the thoughts about dying. I do. ((hugs))

  3. Sally says:

    I also suffer from chronic illness (fibromyalgia) and at age 46, my body just is no longer able to do what it used to be able to do without chronic pain. It is difficult when people do not understand how I am feeling because I don’t “look sick.” Even after 5 years I still have not found a doctor who completely “gets it.” They act as if everything is all in my head becase the medical tests I have had done always show that everything is normal. It is hard to be a mother and a wife when I am always feeling like my body has failed me and that no one really understands. My illness is not fatal, but there is no cure, so I have been told that I will not die from it, but I will die with it. In addition to the daily pain, I also have cognitive (memory)problems and find myself asking people the same questions over and over because I just cannot remember the answers, and sometimes I have problems with my speech and I cannot complete a sentence that anyone can understand. Typing on a computer is easier for me than speaking. I have not found a treatment that works for me, because I react badly to most medications ( which is actually another symptom.) There are numerous other symptoms, as well, but I won’t go into all of those.
    Thank you for sharing your story. I will pray for you, Kelli.

  4. Jennifer (Et Tu?) says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story, Kelli! You will be in my prayers. Your bravery in the face of your illness is so inspiring.
    Also: surely the internets could help your husband get a laptop! Hint, hint: that’s the sort of thing that PayPal “tip jar” buttons were made for. 🙂

  5. lizzyrkristine @ Uplifted Eyes says:

    Thank you for sharing, Kelli, and thanks, Shannon, for hosting this brilliant series.
    I have struggled with a non-fatal disease for a few years. I look like a healthy woman in her 20’s, so in addition to daily life issues, like Kelli there’s a lot of room for misunderstandings. Like when I’m quiet — it isn’t that I don’t like you or aren’t friendly, it is that I’m in pain. 🙂
    It has been a rough road. There may be healing prior to heaven, there may not. Either way, it has been the most valuable trial of my life, bringing me closer to my Savior Jesus Christ and to His sustaining grace. For that I am grateful.

  6. Tania says:

    Kelli, thanks so much for stepping out and sharing with others about life with a chronic illness. I am 41 with two young boys, and I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis last year. It is a frustrating, sometimes frightening, daily struggle. But God is good, and like you, I am thankful that I will be healed one day. Praying for you!

  7. rrmama says:

    Thank you Kelli for sharing your story. You have touched my heart today. Shannon, thank you again for hosting this series. Over the past weeks I have learned so many new things. God bless you!

  8. Lisa T. says:

    Oh, Kelli. So much of that rang so true for me… My mother passed away last week after a long battle with cancer, and she struggled with the fear, the wheelchair, the fight to retain her independence… She must have said a dozen times in the last two months that she didn’t want to be a burden. What she didn’t know was that I would gladly carry that burden every single day and long to be able to do more… I miss her so badly.
    Thank you for sharing your struggles. You will be in my prayers.

  9. Amy says:

    Kelli,
    May I suggest looking for a walker at thrift stores! Garage sales also. I have lots of medical equipment in my garage from my MIL, who moved to a nursing home and is using a different walker, etc. I will donate all the equipment to the Disabled Veterans store after she passes away. There are also stores online where you can order medical equipment for much less. I bought my MIL a wheelchair online for about $150. It is just as good as the one she was “renting” from the medical supply company at $50 a month!

  10. Mrs. Who says:

    There is a Paypal button on her blog to donate. I just sent $10. If everyone who reads this did that…well, it would be a lot of money.
    I hated to read that she couldn’t afford a walker but needs one. Or is choosing to buy clothes for her kids instead, I should say. Nobody should have to make that choice.

  11. Amy says:

    Oh Kelli! (((hugs)))
    My daughter has Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (she got it when was 2 and now she is 12 years old). Chronic illness is hard.
    I’m not in Bend but in Eugene.
    Amy

  12. kelly says:

    This was amazing to read. To fully understand the whole picture of chronic illness and how it affects life day to day.
    Thank you so much for sharing your personal life with us. And most of all, thank you for showing us how to respond to someone with a chronic illness. I have a dear friend who had a lung transplant and is in chronic rejection, so this helped me know how to speak to him and what I can do for him.
    Blessings and God’s peace.
    Kelly S.

  13. Wanda says:

    Thank you for sharing your world. I have fibromyalgia and it’s a real thorn in my side. So, chronic illness is just that, CHRONIC!!! No fun, at all!
    My family & friends see me go, go, go and do, do, do….then crash! I pay for it later.
    Stress has been one of the greatest contributors to my illness. If I stay clear…I seem to do much better.
    In your case, I understand there can be no escaping. You have a fabulous testimony to other’s….your attitude is great! I will pray for you and for your family. May God grant you the blessings of a healthy body and transplant. Very soon!

  14. Sarah says:

    Thank you for that post – it was beautiful.
    I can’t even imagine living with such trials, but if God has taught me anything it is that He WILL see you through.
    I am praying for your health and your family.
    God Bless!!

  15. Queen B says:

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I know that God will use your words for His glory.
    I truly appreciate the thoughts you’d written in your journal. Especially how to act/react to a person who is facing a chronic illness. Thank you.
    You’ll be in my prayers.

  16. Tonggu Momma says:

    Kelli, thank you for this post. I have a close friend who lives with multiple sclerosis and another close friend in a fight for her life (originally breast cancer, now so many things…). Your words, as difficult as they must have been to write, blessed me greatly. I thank you.

  17. Carrie says:

    Oh gosh…I’m in tears over your list…I have bipolar disorder and I can relate with most of the list…*hugs* for you and I’m praying that things work out.

  18. margalit says:

    I am another reader with a chronic condition, hypertrophic cardiomyopathy and congestive heart failure. Like you, I’m waiting for a new organ (heart) to improve my quality of life. As a single parent raising two children with disabilities, I can relate so well to your post. The financial hit to our family has been huge since I’ve been completely disabled. From a 6-figure job to living on SSDI has been very very difficult.
    Like you, I’m challenged all the time by people that question why I have a handicap placard because I don’t “Look Sick”. Like I should cut off my legs to appease these jerks?
    I also have to take my kids with me everywhere because I’m unable to do things without getting completely exhausted. Grocery shopping can set me up with a full day of bedrest. Going anywhere like a mall is out of the question. I tire so easily now, with my heart failing, and yet I’m continually belittled for being sick. If one more person says “Anyone can work if they WANT to” I think I’m gonna punch them. I just tried a 40 hr/week work at home computer job and it was so hard that I spent my first weekend sleeping 14 hours both nights. I just can’t do that and be a parent, too.
    I feel for you. I understand you. And I hope that you get a new kidney and that life will improve greatly for you.

  19. sandra says:

    As someone who has lived with insulin dependent diabetes for 27 years and has been hooked up to an insulin pump for 15 years – I too can certianly relate. The hardest thing about a chronic illness is that people grow weary of asking and praying – so you learn to live with it. I often wish for just a few days vacation from the constant concern of blood sugars, insulin calucations and food issues.
    Although I will thank my chronic illness as it has driven me to my Lord and the truth of His word often.
    Thank you for sharing your story and may you know the Lord’s presence with you today …
    Blessings,
    Sandy
    Recognize & Remember

  20. Kimberly says:

    Kelli,
    Thank you so much for sharing. Your post brought a tear to my eye. My mother has been living with multiple chronic painful illnesses since I was 13 or 14 years old. (I honestly cannot remember when it all started; it seems like this has always been a part of our family life.) I appreciate reading about this from the point of view of the one who suffers, and I think she would appreciate reading it. Living with a chronic condition is very isolating, and it helps to know that you are not alone. I can identify strongly with the things you posted about your children dealing with this as well.
    God bless you,
    Kimberly
    Shannon– thanks for hosting this series! Every week, i learn so much!!

  21. Kris- dreaming of mermaids says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your perspective. It is all too easy for us to get caught up in our own misconceptions about others and forget that we don’t have any idea what it is really like to be that person, and live their life. God bless you and thank you for sharing your story.

  22. Ewokgirl says:

    As the wife of a man with kidney disease, I couldn’t help but tear up reading this. Thank you for sharing your story and perspective. Thank you for pointing out that not ailments are visible, and we shouldn’t judge.
    I hope a kidney becomes available for you–soon.

  23. Lyn says:

    Hi Kelli,
    Your message resonates very much to me. I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through in any way. I do have chronic illness and have had it a long time, but not at the level that you do.
    Those of us who have chronic illness will agree with you 100% and then some. I really appreciate you sharing your message and I hope it will open the eyes of those who cannot understand.
    However, I have found in life that most people will never understand until they go through something similar themselves. They simply cannot relate. That doesn’t excuse any ignorance, but they are healthy so they really don’t have a clue. I have learned that it’s rare to have friends or family who really “get it”. So when you do have those people, we treasure and really appreciate them for at least trying to comprehend.
    I’m really glad you have such a wonderful family that loves and supports you. But I also understand how being sick on a daily basis can be lonely and very challenging on so many levels. Thanks for not holding back your heart. I truly wish you all the best.

  24. Gloria says:

    Thank you for your willingness to share your deepest feelings with us. I have been following your blog for some time and appreciate the greater insight into this tremendous trial in your life.
    I, too, have many health issues that I am dealing with and have had some of the same feelings you shared. Your courage has buoyed me up. I’m like you, trusting in the Lord and am grateful that He is able to walk these paths with all who are enduring health trials.
    My prayers are with you.

  25. Kim says:

    I can’t imagine. I have spent the last month on crutches with a broken ankle, not able to drive or do what needs to be done around the house or for my dogs without outside help. I am frustrated and and getting depressed even on medication. I can’t imagine living this way for years.
    Your story humbles me. Thank you for sharing.

  26. TJ Hirst says:

    I’ve not commented here before, but when I read Kelli’s story in my google reader, it drew me in to read and respond. I am a nurturer at heart and want to give, but this piece made me more aware of looking at service from the perspective of the one receiving. How might she feel about it?
    I especially liked this line from Kelli, “I welcome comfort and assurance, but not being smothered in it. It makes me feel weak. I can’t afford that. I must stay strong.” Her story is a realistic reminder of how we can act with genuine compassion.

  27. Cathy says:

    This whole series has been wonderful. Perhaps in part because I’ve been able to relate to so many of these ladies (have a husband deployed, lost a baby in the second trimester, and live with lupus and other health issues). I so wish everyone I know could read all of these, not just the ones relating to my problems, but ALL. I think people would be so much kinder to each other if they could catch a little glimpse into what another’s life is like at times.

  28. Cathy says:

    I just wanted to add one other thing. I personally have a really hard time asking for help, so the “offering to do something specific” part is something I like to reiterate. There is a lady at my church who has a couple of times just called up and said she’s picking up my older children (7,4,and 2) for the afternoon so I can rest or whatever. This is wonderful…I would not ever ask for this except in a crisis, but when someone insists it makes you feel so much less guilty about accepting the help than if you had to ask for it.

  29. janet says:

    Wow. I’m so sorry you are having to go through this. I truly WISH I could be there to help you. I’m so glad you know Jesus, I can’t imagine trying to deal with this without him. Thanks for your post.
    Janet

  30. Michelle says:

    Thank you for sharing your incredible insight. It must have taken strength to write about it, but I’m hoping you feel better having done so.
    Wishing you all the best.
    Michelle

  31. Anissa@Hope4Peyton says:

    Kelli,
    You have shown great courage in your honesty and willingness to share these painful insights. You will be in my faithful prayers, I pray that God provides you the transplant you need, but also the peace and faith to accept whatever the future holds for you.
    Thank you for your story.

  32. Susanne says:

    Kelli, a big hug to you! Thank you for having the courage to share from your heart. I understand how difficult that was for you, my friend. There were so many things you brought up that truly has opened my eyes and heart to those with a chronic illness and I’m sure I am not the only one!

  33. Cyndi says:

    I just wanted to thank you for being so brave in posting this. It will help so many people who are wondering how to behave “appropriately” in the face of a friend’s or family member’s chronic illness.
    I am 42 and I have relied more and more on a walker, as a result of a degenerative nerve disease. I too am blessed with children who are solicitous and who worry about me more than children should have to worry about their mom. But what I really wanted to say to you is that my walker makes me feel less fear of falling and so much steadier that it is worth the tradeoff in pride. 🙂 Lifting you up in prayer.

  34. Anne says:

    Thank you for sharing so personally and so eloquently.
    I fight a daily battle with depression, and this is no way compares with what you’re going through, but I understand the fear of death that keeps you awake at night. I share that fear despite Assurance. Will be praying for you and your family Kelli.

  35. Suz says:

    Kelli,
    Thank you for your candid description of life with a chronic disease. My heart goes out to you and your family. I am blessed by the bedrock faith you have in the Lord Jesus despite your physical struggles. We will be whole by and by. He promised.
    Suz

  36. Krista says:

    Thank you for sharing that. My father has Parkinson’s and he’s only 60. It’s progressing rapidly. We’ve always been close, but not in the words way. Now that he can’t “do” we don’t have the same closeness. It’s hard. I don’t know how to talk to him, but you’ve given me some ideas. Also about how to just be with him (not offering to help him all the time!)
    My life verse is John 14:27. Peace, in all things. 🙂

  37. emily says:

    well, i am another with chronic pain – really appreciated reading this. when shannon first started this series, i was hoping someone with chronic illness would be included. it’s just a totally different life, unfortunately. mine began at 23 and it was like a mack truck; i just had never considered what life would be like if i were always in pain.
    i’m so glad this was featured and i can empathize with her situation.

  38. k&c's mom says:

    As one whose husband has fought cancer for the last six years (and in the last year lost a leg and hip to the cancer and then months later had a brain tumor)…deep breath…thank you for this post. We live in a new normal BUT we find that God IS ENOUGH. More than enough. Abundant life of the spirit is for now; not “some day when…”. God bless you and your family.

  39. deborah says:

    Kelli,
    Oh, if I had a dime for everytime I heard that line, “but you don’t look sick,” grrrr! thank you for sharing your story. It is so frustrating to feel the guilt with children, isn’t it. In reality, I’ve heard, anyway, they just want to help.
    Hey, I just happen to have a walker in my garage in excellent condition. It has wheels in the front, and is collapsable. It’s yours, we just need to figure out how to get it to you! You can email me and go from there. It is only collecting dust bunnies. I’d even paint it pretty stuff on it for you if you’d like, you know, personalize it!
    Just ask! These insurance companies kill me!

  40. Heather says:

    I really hate to hear that you are having such a difficult time right now. I also performed PD (peritoneal dialysis) at home before having a transplant 3 years ago. Although dialysis wasn’t fun by any means I was fortunate enough to still be able to do most of the things I wanted like work, drive, play with my kids and live pretty much normally. I didn’t realize others had such a difficult time with the process. As I mentioned before, I had a transplant 3 years ago when I was 31 which was donated to me by my sweet husband. I am blessed beyond reason….I pray things go better for you soon…

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